I give up

I have finally conceded, I am depressed. Our counselor has been after me for years to get on some meds. Yesterday, I was outside and Raelee said "helicopter" and I listened. Yes there was one going overhead. In that 'listening' moment, I also heard a bird and I could not recognize the call. I used to be able to call the birds instantly. Thinking this over for a bit, I tried to remember just how long it had been since I woke up listening for the birds. It has been years - and I used to do that every single morning. More thought through out the day; I don't care if I scrap or not, I don't care if I leave our house or not, I don't even care if I get UP in the morning. We don't camp, we don't fish, we don't picnic often... I simply do not care whether we do or not so I don't request it anymore.

My fire for life is gone. I miss my husband, I miss my kids - oh wait, they aren't mine are they? I miss my life. I wonder who I am now? Is this permanent?

I have made an appointment with a Dr for Monday. We will see.

I have not talked to Steve for a week. I hope he is doing well and now staying on schedule.

I am making myself go to the High School football game today. Alone of course, but I am going.