I HATE PATTERSON COPS!!

They are total A**HOLES!

Ok, so the football game didn't work. I braved the crowd and got up in the stands. I immediately started having a panic attack (my first ever) and then started crying. I couldn't stop, so I left the game. As I was leaving Heidi stopped me and hugged me. She asked if I was ok, and I couldn't hardly talk (how embarrassing). She was genuinely concerned and tried talking to me but I couldn't talk - all I could do was cry. So we hugged again and that made me cry more. I left.

When I got to my car I was blocked in, but I finally figured out how I could get out. I would have to move a cone, but I could slip out and go on home. When I looked around for Travis (a cop) to tell him what I was going to do I didn't see him. So I just took matters into my own hands and drove up to the cone. Car door open, car running I got out and moved it to the side, and as I did so, this jacka** Patterson a**hole cop came up to me with his finger in my face YELLING at me to "MOVE MY CONE BACK WHERE YOU TOOK IT FROM, GET IN MY CAR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PARKING PLACE!" No matter how many times I calmly said "sir!" (palm out trying to stop him) he KEPT YELLING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER! I finally realized this A** was going to ARREST me (his attitude said it all) and I raised my voice and said "STOP IT!!" His mouth fell open, and I told him if he would just LISTEN I could explain to him what I was doing. He said, "You are going to get back in that car and MOVE OUT OF MY PLACE AND REPLACE MY DAMNED CONE!" I said yes I am and then I am driving straight to your supervisor and tell him what a JERK you are!" - and I did. I was BAWLING so hard I could not even see at that point.

I went to pd headquarters and I told his supervisor the entire story - and I was still bawling uncontrollably. I told him I thought the officer should have noticed I was upset BEFORE he copped his attitude and had he been CONCERNED for a citizen in distress - not so much about his CONE being moved - he would have realized I was NOT ok! If he would have shown compassion, none of this would have happened because I could have explained what I was doing and he would have made sure it was SAFE for me to drive - and it was not, because I could not even see at that point. I also told him this is why Patterson PD has the reputation they do, because this attitude is tolerated and he should be ashamed of it >:-(

The cop has already apologized, but in the same breath he said he was sorry I TOOK it that he was being belligerant. I told him I didn't TAKE it that way - he WAS belligerant.

I don't give a rats backside about the apology - it was not sincere. I am still bawling - and where did that panic attack come from anyway?

I give up

I have finally conceded, I am depressed. Our counselor has been after me for years to get on some meds. Yesterday, I was outside and Raelee said "helicopter" and I listened. Yes there was one going overhead. In that 'listening' moment, I also heard a bird and I could not recognize the call. I used to be able to call the birds instantly. Thinking this over for a bit, I tried to remember just how long it had been since I woke up listening for the birds. It has been years - and I used to do that every single morning. More thought through out the day; I don't care if I scrap or not, I don't care if I leave our house or not, I don't even care if I get UP in the morning. We don't camp, we don't fish, we don't picnic often... I simply do not care whether we do or not so I don't request it anymore.

My fire for life is gone. I miss my husband, I miss my kids - oh wait, they aren't mine are they? I miss my life. I wonder who I am now? Is this permanent?

I have made an appointment with a Dr for Monday. We will see.

I have not talked to Steve for a week. I hope he is doing well and now staying on schedule.

I am making myself go to the High School football game today. Alone of course, but I am going.

Continental and Raelee

I know we have to make concessions for the Hurricanes. I know we have to have changes. I know New Orleans is not up and running again. Heck, I am scared to even go there! Everyone I talk to says the smell... oh gosh... the smell... is worse than you could ever imagine. I know things happen and I usually roll with the punches.

But why in the world would Continental put Raelee (2 years old) on a row THREE rows behind us when they changed our reservations??

I did finally get that straight. Then I made a mistake on where we were supposed to stay in Northern Cali. Thank God I am only 50+ miles away. Geez.

I had too many punches today. I may have them all straight now. Who knows?

I am forgetting it and fighting the traffic in Baton Rouge tomorrow to go to my asthma Dr. yay. Wanna go?

I had a pity party today. It is over. Too bad you didn't come :-(

Tomorrow promises to be a better day. I will get up on the OTHER side of that stinkin' bed. Heck, I won't even SLEEP in that bed! There! THAT'LL fix it!

Where oh where is Steve to help whittle through things? lol... Thank goodness Steph came and plugged through with me. I am glad I have her :-) I needed her today.

The Blessing Of The Fleet

Do you know what the Blessing Of The Fleet is? It is a big water parade with boats - decorated and parading - in the river in a huge circle celebrating the Blessing of the SHRIMP fleet. It starts early Sunday morning and ends hours later when the Queen and King toast and the priest blesses the fleet of shrimp boats. I love watching it for some odd reason. It is relaxing sitting on the warf and watching the boats, the seagulls, and listening to the kids squeal. I would miss the Blessing if I ever forgot it. That is high on my priority list of things to do for the S & P Festival. The next thing is the art show - always wonderful.

We walked up the bridge (boy was that fun!) to watch the fireworks this year. It was beautiful. I love fireworks anyway, and not many people venture to the bridge, so it is also quiet. Good suggestion Steph. We usually sit on the Flood Wall and watch. It is often crowded and noisy.

After the fireworks we went and listened to Restless Heart the country band. A nice ending to a great day!

Shrimp and Petroluem weekend

What a beautiful weekend for the festival! It is a small town festival, but big on hometown fun. I miss Steve to share it with, but how could I not go out and enjoy the weather? Raelee is just amazed by those rides. We will take her back tomorrow. S & P is a weekend long event... we come and go all weekend.

Steve called me tonight. He finally got things turned around and got his men over there from here. He now has both crews, the American one and the Brazillian crew working for him to get this job done. They are working 24 hours a day now - man how is he going to manage them? When will he sleep? He has rescheduled his flight home for the 18th - two days before we have to go to Cali. He will be exhausted after a 18 hours of flying and no rest for a month, but he says he wants to go anyway. He is looking forward to seeing Aedan and the family.

I miss him, it is time for him to be home.
He is missing the festival :-(

He will be really sad when he hears Stacie has photography at the art show.

Good night

Wow! What a gorgeous day!

It seems like fall has finally fallen! I am so incredibly happy that I woke to enjoy just one more day of this great cooler weather. I miss the falls of Oklahoma. I absolutely love fall. I could turn circles dancing in the garden today :-)

Knock, knock!

When I answered to door, there stood J waiting on me to invite her in. She immediately apologized and we chatted. She admitted she was wrong, "so very wrong" - her words. She apologized over and over. We hugged. All is well again. Yes, of course I apologized over and over again, too... I am so glad this has all worked out.

I sat on my swing, listening to the birds chatter and threw lady's toys to her. Catapillers scampered about, the breeze was gentle, the sun glistening brightly and off in the distance I heard a kingfisher bellowing to the water below. The deep blue color of the sky above, leaves gently falling to the ground and a crispness in the air leads me to believe fall is near.

Today was a great day to sit in the garden.

Steve called :-)

Things are not going well in Brazil for him. Every thing that could go wrong has, and he is incredibly down. Boy we must make a pair. He misses me, I miss him - but I try to stay upbeat for him when we chat. I hope he does some sight seeing while the rig is at sea.

The good news is his crew here got their passports and visas situated :-) Now they can hop on a plane and get down there and WHEN he can work, they can all jump in and lick it. I know having his own crew will help tremendously. It must be nuts trying to work with a foreign speaking crew and explain to them what you need.

I love hearing his voice even from thousands of miles away. It makes things 'right' again and I know I can go on a few more days waiting for him. How did I get to be so lucky? I hand picked the best of the best. Steve you are one special man :-)

10 From 1 today

Class went well, but I am disappointed in the orders we got. There was a whole lot of work in that two hours and only $110 in sales. Life goes on, but this was SO not worth it.

Not a peep today. Not from J, not from Steve.

Still trying to call Jer to tell him his dad broke his thumb. Darned phone never rings for me, just rolls right over to voicemail. Guess I am lucky we haven't had a true emergency here.

I am incredibly lonely today. Incredibly. I miss Steve with every ounce of my being.

Still not sorry about my letter. I reread today, and I still feel fair in it. Guess time will tell.

Another day down, one day closer to my better half coming home.